The blog page is where you’ll find daily (almost) thoughts on life, ministry, success, coaching, culture and even some of the sillier things that I am passionate about
If I Could Tell Myself Anything I’d Say…Have Your OWN Vision.
What do you see from above that God wants YOU to build?
This is a post that recently I guest blogged for www.mitchmiller.me . Mitch, one of the leading voices in youth ministry today, asked me to share a post for youth pastors who frequent his blog.
I remember the day very clearly. I was working at a funeral home (that’s right, a funeral home), taking night and distance learning classes and following my calling and my dream of being a youth pastor. I also was one of a team of volunteers at our student ministries when I received a call from the lead pastor of my church, “Hey Matt, this is Dave. Listen, Chris (the youth pastor) is taking a few days off to sort out some things and I am wondering if you could cover the teaching at (whatever name we were calling our youth ministry main meeting at the time) this week?”
I didn’t know that Chris, a dear friend and mentor, was taking a few days off to explore a new ministry opportunity. He ultimately pursued that opportunity and I found myself just a few weeks later being the full time youth pastor for my church. To say that I was in over my head was an understatement. It was a church of several hundred and a youth group of maybe 50 kids. I didn’t really know what I was doing. Thanks to a team of great volunteers, and the other members of the pastoral staff and LOTS of prayer we led a great and important ministry.
What if though, if I could, in bad Adam Sandler Movie fashion, could travel back and tell my 25 year old self what I’ve learned and what to expect? What would I say? The first thing I would say is, “Find your own vision!”
As a twenty something, first time youth pastor I was “just glad to be there”. I was working at my home church with a large youth group and a significant budget and a part time assistant. Life was good. Ministry was challenging but a lot of fun…and I let the lead pastor determine the vision for the youth ministry. There were ministry events and philosophies that were thrust upon me that I would never have agreed to if I were carrying out the vision God had given me. Those projects and ideas weren’t bad ones, but just not the ones that God had given me. I can’t tell you the hours and energy I depleted on making someone else’s vision happen. It’s hard to be great when you are carrying someone else’s dream.
Keep in mind, I believe whole heartedly that God wants us to follow those who are in spiritual authority over us. I am not suggesting a rebellion. What I am suggesting is that from day one, you create a path in ministry that is consistent with what God is telling YOU. If that is compatible with the vision of the church where you are serving, you are likely right where God wants you to be. If it isn’t, keep striving for that right fit, for that spot in the Kingdom God has called you to fill.
The problem for some is how do you cultivate that vision of what God wants you to do? I’d start by getting a pen and an empty notebook and writing down everything God tells you when you ask Him, “God, what do you want my life and ministry to be?” The process of praying and listening to what God has to say to you will create HIS vision for your life and ministry one that will be better than anyone else’s for you.
Coaching questions:
1. If you could do one thing and just one thing for the glory of God, and you knew that you wouldn’t fail, what would it be? What is your ministry dream?
2. What does the current place where you are serving think of that path, that dream?
3. What is one, clear measurable step you can take toward pursuing that path
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11 To-Dos to Organize Anything.
I am instinctively creative…not instinctively organized. That means that for me to organize something I HAVE to have some systems in place to make it work. I’ve learned to do organization well…it’s just not intuitive. Here are 11 must-do’s if you want to organize ANYTHING. Rooms, files, ideas, paper…anything.
Eleven To-Dos to Organize Anything
- Put it on your calendar now. Does your office need organized? RIGHT NOW put it on your calendar.
- KNOW what your goals are for organizing in advance.
- Establish the end goal and work toward it.
- Keep going, you’ll want to quit at least 4 times…don’t.
- Create criteria for what to keep, what to pitch…then stick to it.
- Put similar items together.
- Throw away the items you haven’t touched since your last ‘organizing’
- Put papers into four piles: 1. Act On Now 2. Act On later 3. File for future reference 4. Trash Throw piles 2 and 4 away
- End the day/project with an organized space.
- If there is no place for it, ask yourself, “Do I really need it?”
- Tell someone that you are organizing…ask them to ask you about it later.
One of the things that I needed help with was organizing my calendar and tasks. Having a coach helped me in this process tremendously. I’d love to do the same for you.
Big Question: What is the area of your life that needs organization?
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MR Coaching Podcast #6 – Creating a WOW Life
The new podcast is up here on the website, HERE IS THE LINK TO SUBSCRIBE AT iTUNES. Make sure that you head over there to download, subscribe and rate it. The more subscriptions, and ratings the higher it shows on the iTunes lists.
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In this episode:
1. New Music – A New Start by A Fine Frenzy
2. Building A WOW Life.
- A WOW Life is Compelling
- A WOW Life is Planned
- A WOW Life Exceeds Expectations
- A WOW Life Overcomes Obstacles
- A WOW Life is Memorable
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NEW GROUP COACHING OPPORTUNITY. BUILD A PLATFORM TO GET YOUR MESSAGE/PRODUCT TO THE MASSES. WWW.PLATFORMCOACHING.COM
3. This week’s: Something to…
…Read:
The Impact Equation: Are You Making Things Happen or Just Making Noise?
…Listen To:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast
…Watch:
The Dirty Dozen
Video: Why YOU Need to Start a Blog
It’s never been easier to start a blog and build a real platform from which to get your ideas out to the world. Here are some quick reasons why YOU in particular need to start a blog today.
Get help in building your own platform. Implement ideas faster and with greater success through coaching. Learn more about Platform Group Coaching at www.PlatformCoaching.com
Accountability That Actually Works
Maintaining ‘accountability’ is one of the things that has influenced my development as a person and as a follower of Jesus. I have had multiple accountability parnters over the years. I have been encouraged, and encouraged others literally hundreds of times to have an ‘accountability group’ or ‘accountability partner’ for adding new habits, or defeating old ones. Literally millions have sought accountability from 12 step groups.
From all of this I have learned one thing: Accountability doesn’t work. At least not the way we’ve been doing it.
Accountability doesn’t work because…
- It is negative – It is rooted in “If you do this bad, you’ll get caught.” What a horrible way to live.
- It is external – Something or someone outside of myself can’t make me WANT to make a change
- It is powerless – Most accountability structures we have offer no real opportunity for reward or for consequence. I think about my accountability groups I’ve had in the past. When I failed, the response was, ‘Try better next time” That doesn’t help!
Accountability that Actually Works Must Be:
- Central – Accountability only works…CHANGE of any kind only works when it is central to who we are. If I don’t want the change, it isn’t going to happen. When I coach with clients, I can’t be accountability for them. It doesn’t work. I can help them find the internal accountability to make real life changes.
- Created – Real accountability doesn’t just happen. A person, a team can want to make changes and use an accountability partner/system to make those changes, but without a specific plan, everything breaks down. Teams, where real accountability happens, don’t just magically appear they are created. Just because you are in a staff meeting together or sitting at the same dinner table doesn’t mean you’re on a team either.
- Celebrated – The boss or parent looking over your shoulder to make sure you are doing well works for a while…until it doesn’t. For accountability to work, success has to be celebrated. It has to be encouraged and ‘wins’ must be recognized as such.
What I am suggesting is instead of an accountability partner looking over your shoulder, an inner accountability that recognizes what changing habits will bring to you.
Accountability, as I have mentioned, is an important part of coaching. Not because the coach is watching you, but because the coach helps you, or your team, create ways for you to watch and motivate yourself. I’d love to talk to you about how coaching can help you implement real, significant life change so you can enjoy the life you’ve always wanted.
Big Question: Where has accountability failed you? What change would you like to make in your life?
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Why Building a Platform Matters
Lately I’ve been reading a lot and have begun writing on building a platform. As a quick reminder, a platform is simply your ‘stage’ for getting your message and/or product out to its desired audience.
The questions that rattle through my mind as I have done all this reading/thinking/writing and work on my own platform is:
“Isn’t a bit narcissistic to spend this much time and effort in getting your message out? What makes this ‘platform’ building so important anyway?”
Great questions.
The reasons that building a platform really matter:
You DO have a message and/or product that could impact others.
Your thoughts and products that are valuable. God has put within you an ability to communicate and create. He gave you that for HIS glory.
There are no limits to who can get their message out.
It is literally the first time in human history where ANYONE can get their message/product out to the public.
You no longer need a computing degree to publish to the web. You no longer need to be a broadcaster to start
podcasting. You no longer need to hire anyone else to do the elements of building a platform for you.
In 2012, it doesn’t cost a lot to build a platform.
In case you haven’t been paying attention, you can buy a domain name for less than $10. You can start a blog hosted by WordPress for free. You can host your own for about $100.
I genuinely believe in my message and want people to hear it.
I coach so the world can be a more effective and God-honoring place through coaching. Those are thoughts that should be out there.
I am more fulfilled for getting my message out there.
It is DEEPLY satisfying to get my message heard!
Building your platform matters simply because YOU matter. Your MESSAGE matters. If you don’t build a platform your message and product don’t go out. No one is changed. Society stays the same. If you do build your platform, you’re more satisfied, your message and product impact others and society is built up.
I am thrilled to now be coaching people in building their own platform. Through the implementation of Michael Hyatt’s transforming book Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World you’ll learn how to create your own powerful platform. Platform Coaching Groups will help you implement these ideas faster with more effectiveness than you could on your own.
Take me to Platform Coaching
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Top 11 To-Do’s to Be a Better Listener
Deep Listening is the cornerstone of effective coaching. As coaches, we encourage each other to listen at the third level; beyond first level information and second level emotions and listening to the ‘inner person’.
Listening effectively is the skill that I have to work on EVERY day to be a better coach. I have also learned that it is a skill that is good for every part of my life.
11 Must-dos for Effective Listening
11. Listen without thinking about what you will say next. This one action has made the most impact on my listening
10. Move away from computer. I can’t coach and listen effectively with the laptop open.
9. Stop what you are doing when someone engages you in conversation. Put down the book, mute or turn off the TV and actually listen.
8. ‘Lean into’ listening. Think about when you are most engaged by a speaker, you’ll lean into what they are saying. Treat every conversation this way.
7. Respond. Nodding your head. Saying, ‘uh-huh’. Repeating key words quietly lets the speaker know you are tuned in.
6. Offer frequent summary statements. “What I hear is…” or “Are you saying…”
5. STOP thinking, just listen. Stay in the moment of the conversation and stop thinking about what is happening later.
4. Create NO agenda for listening. You are not listening to get something. You are listening for the benefit of the speaker.
3. Pause before responding. Giving just a few seconds before responding allows the conversation to bloom fully.
2. Allow the conversation to develop. Don’t attempt to shut it down as soon as you think you “get it”. There could be a lot more beneath the surface.
1. Commit to talk LESS. Decide right from the get go, you are only going to speak when it is vital to the conversation.
When you listen more and better, relationships grow, ideas emerge and problems get solved. Push yourself to deeper listening this week!
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MR Coaching Podcast #5 – Emotional Intelligence
The new podcast is up here on the website, HERE IS THE LINK TO SUBSCRIBE AT iTUNES. Make sure that you head over there to download, subscribe and rate it. The more subscriptions, and ratings the higher it shows on the iTunes lists.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
In this episode:
1. New Music – Marathon by Tennis off of Cape Dory (2011)
2. Emotional Intelligence – Based on What Makes a Leader by Daniel Goleman
- Five Keys to Growing Emotional Intelligence
- Self-Awareness
- Self-Regulation
- Motivation
- Empathy
- Social Skills
- Emotional Intelligence can grow with practice, training, honest feedback and is particularly developed by empathetic conversation. The kind you would have with a coach
4. For Clergy Appreciation Month, Matthew Reed Coaching is Thrilled to offer a special for your pastor. A full season of coaching for 1/2 off. Click here for more information.
3. This week’s: Something to…
…Read:
The Power of Habit – Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg
…Listen To:
Love Dad, with David Koechner and Jeff Ullrich on Itunes and at Earwolf
…Watch:
The House on Haunted Hill Wednesday October 10 at Midnight (Tuesday Night) on Turner Classic Movies
Video: How to Have a REAL Day Off
Not going to work doesn’t equal a day off, rest does. This video has three tips that I have found to help facilitate a genuine day off, real sabbath type rest.
How to REALLY Appreciate Your Pastor
This post is for my friends who are pastors or who have pastors.
HAPPY OCTOBER!
October means fall colors.
October means the World Series
October means figuring out how to make a Blue Ninja costume (at least it does at my house).
October means Pumpkin EVERYTHING.
October also means Pastor Appreciation Month.
When I was serving in ministry, I always liked October for that very reason. Baked goods would show up around the office. Encouraging cards would arrive in my mailbox. Even as I write this, I am wearing a sweater that my former lead pastor gave me when I was serving with him 10 years ago, for pastoral appreciation month.
Your pastor needs your encouragement. Leading people in ministry is a tough job. It’s wonderful to be called into ministry for sure, but know that it is a pressure-filled job, and sadly pastors are burning out. According to a 2010 study by the New York Times:
- 33% felt burned out within their first five years of ministry.
- 33% say that being in ministry is an outright hazard to their family.
- 40% of pastors and 47% of spouses are suffering from burnout, frantic schedules, and/or unrealistic expectations.
- 45% of pastors’ wives say the greatest danger to them and their family is physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual burnout.
- 57% would leave the pastorate if they had somewhere else to go or some other vocation they could do.
- 1,500 pastors leave their ministries each month due to burnout, conflict, or moral failure.
Those are numbers that are bad for Pastors, their families, their congregations and honestly, all of society. Coaching is a great tool to prevent burn out, for anyone, but in particular for pastors. Coaching helps pastors by…
…being between two peers. Two ‘equals’.
Pastors RARELY find themselves among peers. They are with the people they lead, their congregation. The people they answer to, their board. Having a safe place to process their ideas and thoughts, their weaknesses and insecurities, their dreams and aspirations without fear of consequences is a huge blessing to pastors. Coaching is a chance for two peers to help the one being coached to grow and make important changes.
…releasing pressure.
My coach really helped me to bring things into better perspective. That the pressures that I felt could be addressed and even corrected by a strategic implementation of new life habits.
…see blind spots.
Do you want to know why your pastor has never dealt with the personal weaknesses in his life? Likely because no one has come to him about them. In my first two conversations with my coach, she helped me to see glaring blind spots that were dramatically undermining my effectiveness as a pastor, leader, husband, and dad.
…create new possibilities.
Coaches are life-change agents. That simply means that they come alongside others to help them make the changes to their life/career/ministry that they want to make.
I want to help you connect your pastor with the power of coaching. I tapped into a coach pretty late into my career as a pastor. In retrospect, it was something that would have paid a GREAT dividend earlier in my career. I want to encourage you that this year for Pastoral Appreciation Month to consider offering coaching to your pastor. As a way to help facilitate that, I have a special offer for you:
Pastor Appreciation Month Coaching Special
50% off first season* of coaching
Free Strengthsfinder Training
Click Here to Start!
REALLY appreciate your pastor this October by providing coaching for them!
•three months
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Contact Matt
Phone and text:
845-800-3854
Mailing Address:
Matthew Reed Coaching P.O. Box 454 Middletown, NY 10940
